Friday, 20 December 2013


"Is it possible , I wonder , for a man to truly change? Or do character and habit form the immovable boundaries of our life? " - Nicholas Sparks, The Wedding .
I turned 20 this month. Amidst all the anxiousness, anticipation, freaking out sessions and hyperventilating about " How am I gonna handle being 20? ", I introspected my life, like everybody's lives there were regrets, hitting bottom moments, some happy memories, few lively people and many lessons, then I asked myself, " Have I changed? Or am I the same Shonazee I was ? ".

Have I changed? No, I think I metamorphosed into a completely different personality, just like the caterpillar. I was childish and immature, okay, okay, I know, who wasn't? I think there still is a lot of room in me which is full of an 11-year-old, but then there is this new,  colorful, more mature butterfly in me too.

School. I was someone who portrayed the part of an anchor for this news channel of who's dating who? Who's crushing on who? And the likes. It was like I had to know what my friends/classmates were up to, especially in their personal life. I would poke my nose, annoy 'em with my questions or even catch some red handed ( I actually did! ). And then it wouldn't stop there, once my nose picked up on something I would broadcast it among my friends, and they would tell their friends and so on. So yeah, pretty much the whole place would get updated. It was like I was the starting point for a rumor. Having said that, I also was the type of person who would go through someone's personal diary if it landed in my access zone and yes, the propagation would then follow. Awful . I know. But now, I am this person who respects people's personal life. Even if someone gives me their personal diary to read , I don't think I will be able to get myself to do that, because I've realized that a person pours his heart and soul down while writing a journal and I think that space should remain untouched .
But now, I wouldn't go around propagating who's dating who? even when I catch them red-handed, not only because it's none of my business but also because I am not that person anymore.

Intermediate (11th and 12th grade ). I was this kind of a person who back-bited. A lot. I would justify it by saying that it was innocence. Seriously it was. I had always seen people around me doing it. Two best friends bad mouthing each other behind their backs, aunties in the society bad mouthing about some people in their family (mother-in-laws, annoying relatives, almost every other person to be honest). And so every time I was insecure ( which was a lot of times ), I bitched about that friend to another friend of mine. This realization, that I was doing wrong is a part of my hitting bottom moment which I had rather save for future posts. But now I've realized how important loyalty and honesty are in any relationship.That there is another way of venting the insecurity - by telling that friend itself. And according to me, this works much better than telling it to some other person. I mean if you have a problem with your parents and you tell it to your friend, what in the world can your friend do to mend things between you and your parents? Tell it to your parents. Problem solved.

First-year med school. Judgmental, that would be the aptest word to define me. I used to judge almost everybody in my college, from their appearance to how they say hello to how they would project themselves. But since the past few months I have realized that we are all wired this way. We judge almost every other second, every other person. Put stamps - this is good, this is bad. Warn - stay away, hold on tight. But then this inner voice in me asked - Who the hell are we to judge? I mean seriously, Who the hell are we to judge someone ?! We are imperfect too. We make lousy decisions too. Then how can we judge someone else for doing the same? I wouldn't say that I've completely gotten over judging, but I will get there. Someday, I will get there.

So yes, I am not proud of the kind of person I was, at the same time I 'm not ashamed too. If I had not poked into someone's personal life so much, how would I have learned respecting it. If I hadn't back-bited a lot, how could I have found out that it is of no use, that telling the person on his face is much better than telling it to another person. If I had not judged every other person I met, how could I have realized that we are no one to judge. I'm glad I was so insanely stupid, at least it's left me with a tiny bit of wisdom.

And after thinking all this through, I am not much worried or anxious about turning 20, about being more responsible and mature. I think I'll do just fine. Heck no, I think I'm gonna ROCK my 20s! *Inserts the most confident smile ever*

Monday, 25 November 2013

First Award

*Tada dada tadaaaaa*

I'm psyched ! Why ? Cause I just received my FIRST ever blog award .

First of all to those who are new to this - Liebster award exists only on the internet , it is used to discover and appreciate new/lesser known blogs or let's say blogs with less than 200 followers . It has German origin and the word means - dearest , sweetest , kindest , valued and the likes . Valued . Yeaah , that's pretty much how I feel right now :)

Now , how does this work ?
 - Each nominee must link back the person who nominated them
 - Answer 10 questions given to you by the nominator
 - Nominate 10 other fellow bloggers for this award
 - Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer
 - Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by going to their blog and notifying them. It's completely optional to accept the award .

Having said (err..written) all this , I would now like to give the loudest shout out to this doctor-to-be cum amazing blogger - Lubaina from When It Rains  -  THAAANKYOUUU ! Not only for nominating me for this award but also for creating this personalized version of the Liebster blog button and for making me feel special and valued . You are a very genuine person and I hope and wish , that our bond evolves into friendship that lasts beyond boundaries and time . Make sure you check her blog out , especially the crow liner posts , i love'em !

                Oh , I forgot mentioning , she's a very creative person too ! She created this button and the background is a painting , she painted on a wall . Beautiful *sigh*

So , now to the questions and answers thingy :

Q1. Describe yourself in three words .
 Philosophical , optimistic , introvert ( during the first few encounters )

Q2. Your best home-alone experience ?
I've got this huge family , so there never has been this chance of being home alone even for an entire day but yeah , when I'm home alone for a few hours , music on , volume to the peak and I dance my heart out :P

Q3. A perfect evening is ?
Resting on my favourite bean bag , water dripping from my hair , a hot/cold beverage (depending on the weather)  in one hand and an amazing novel in the other . Sounds perfect to me :D

Q4. Think quick . Fish or Fries ? 
Fries anyday cause i don't enjoy seafood much .

Q5. Which place will you travel to if you have the option to visit any place free of cost ?
Now , that's a tough question since there are like a million places I want to visit free of cost :P But for now ,  Tajikistan . I don't know why , but I'm sort of drawn to this place .

Q6. Winters or summers ?
Winters !

Q7. Reason for Q.6 ?
Cause I don't like getting tanned or bathing in sweat :P

Q8. Is the concept of having good handwriting over-rated ? 
Never gave it much thought ..

Q9. Comics or novels ?
Novels !

Q10. What is the best part about being a blogger ? 
Meeting people with different personas from different walks of lives and from like , all over the world . Love it !

Time to pass it on , the receivers of Liebster blog award :

Bryan Jones from Bryan Jones' Diary - the ramblings of a menopausal man  - You've always encouraged me to write more , I'm pretty sure you don't realize it , but you have . Thanks for always being there to support and encourage my writing :)

Jigar Doshi from Musings of Jigar - Because , it was your blog that inspired me to start my own . Also because , anytime I want a review of some movie or novel , I find it on your blog . Anytime I feel like reading some lovey-dovey post , I find it on your blog . Because your blog is a one-stop place for anything I want to read about  .

Nida Fatima from Retrospect - You are one of the most amazing writers I've ever seen . Seriously .

Sakshi Singh  from Rooh... - I like how you do justice to sensitive posts , and the fact that we are very much like-minded , that way I totally connect with all your posts at some level .

Zoha from In Uffish thought - Your posts are captivating . Since I am a hopeless romantic , I just keep reading and re-reading your blog posts , it's unreal how you carve all these unsaid emotions into words .

Jaimie L. Moore from The Flying tire - This blog is my source of inspiration . It reminds me of the fact that even if you loose everything , you hit rock bottom , that it's not the end of the world , that you can still rise , that you can still find happiness and love .

Alcina  from Afixxion Addict  - Your posts are just awesome . And so are you :)

Meeta Sabnis from Dreams in my heart ... - Because I LOVE the way you write .

Diksha Sharma from The Seasoned Woman - I find your blog very pretty , keep writing , you haven't updated your blog in quite sometime now , so eagerly waiting for your next post :)

Shawez Somani from Jiy0 life kuch zyada ! - Because you agreed to create a blog , and you've made a good start . Hopefully in a few years , you will metamorphose into an awesome writer ,so all the best with the blogging stuff , bhai ;)

Godha Naini from G.Naini's - Because I simply love you :*

Yeaah , I know 11 nominees , but couldn't leave anybody out , noww *Drum-rolls , please*

                                     THE LIEBSTER AWARD ^_^
                          CONGRATULATIONS ! I hope you guys like it :)

 So , here are the 10 questions that you guys have to answer :

Q1. Describe yourself in one word .
Q2. Your favourite quote ?
Q3. Favourite book ?
Q4. If you could live permanently in any decade , what would it be ?
Q5. What place do you want to visit (free of cost) ?
Q6. If you could have dinner with someone dead or alive , who would it be?
Q7. A perfect evening is ?
Q8. Share one thing that's on top of your bucket list
Q9. What motivated you to start blogging ?
Q10. What is the best part about being a blogger ?

Phew ! That took forever . Cheers !

Thursday, 10 October 2013

One year

She was teary-eyed with a smile on her face . An expression which conveyed that she was happy , overjoyed and proud - of me . That was a year ago . Today , once again her eyes are moist and a smile plays on her lips . And once again she's proud of me . One year . From getting an admission in a med school to passing my first year in first division . One blissful year .
But she forgets that all of this has happened because of her . Because she came over to stay with me for a few weeks before my finals . Because she slept when I slept (which was too late , around 2-3 am) and woke me up (too early around 5-6 am ) . Because she made me innumerable cups of green teas and coffees and soups that worked like red bull . Because she made sure I had every comfort she could offer . But she , my mom , doesn't realize that ( soo I might as well take the credit ;) )
One year . From sitting in a class full of strangers , 149 strangers , with this small-town-girl syndrome to shedding the inferiority complex and building friendships that will last beyond my life . Or so I hope .
One year .
The year I danced in a flash mob ( the last time I danced in front of an audience was when I was 10/11 years old ! ) .
The year I had a very expensive hair cut .
The year I hit a 4 on the last deciding ball of our cricket match against the senior most batch of our college , and that's how our team won the first match (boasting ?! a lil bit :P ) .
The year I cut my birthay cake which read " Happy Birthday Dr.Shonazee " .
The year I was asked by the Physiology Head of the Department Ma'm to sit in the first bench instead of dozing off in the last one ( yeaah , like in the middle of a lecture) .
The year I fell right smack on my face and went gliding like a retarted  seal on the floor .
The year i realized that irrespective of the rotten smell formalin has , i LOVED it !
The year i mastered the art of self-pricking ( After pricking myself some uncountable times ) .
The year I learnt how to live with hostile people to two faced morons .
The year I experienced jinxed bunks , all of them . This one time ,  our colg staff decided to tally the attendances of morning and afternoon lectures the same day we decided to bunk the first half . Yeah , from 364 other days it was this particular day they chose . We were soo doomed .
The year I watched movies missing the start or the climax in a theatre .
The year I attended my first ever Barbeque party . It rocked ? That would be an understatement .
The year I learnt travelling by buses , yeah a big improvement over the girl who needed adult supervision to visit the neighbouring shops .
The year I made peace with my past .
It wasn't just another year , but there goes another chapter in my book of life .

               This is a collage of some of the lame and stupid papers I and MY FRIENDS turned in for some dumb , not-so-imp exam this year :P

Monday, 30 September 2013

You are living someone's DREAM

I sometimes dream of a life where I am living independently with some awesome roommates ( Like George and Izzie ) , not being judged for having a guy room mate ( Yeah , that someone cute like George ) or for hanging out with my guyfriends . A life wherein I work at a corporate office , hot boss , a heavy , very HEAVY paycheck , stuff like that . Being born in an economically middle class family , I wanted to finish my studies as soon as possible and start earning (real quick) so that I could support my family . But well call it the irony of life , I got myself in a profession which is gonna take long for the studies to get over and even longer for me to earn that heavy pay check . (Just in case you are wondering , I am a Doctor in the making ) . We all have dreams  . We all dream of some life , different than the one we are living or maybe with little changes in the present one .

Sometimes , we are just not satisfied with anything that life offers . We want more money , new phone , Iphone4s maybe ? We buy it but then comes Iphone 5 , now we want that . New clothes . And all we want is more of this , more of thaat ..

We loathe and self-pity all the time . We ask God "why me?" every chance we get .

It's never enough . We are always caught up in some day dream or some in-the-head melodrama about how unfair life has been so far .

Have we ever considered that maybe , just maybe there is someone out there wanting to be YOU ,
There is someone out there who's only dream is to be able to see the world with his own eyes , to be able to see his loved ones even if it's for a minute ,
There is someone out there dreaming of  having a mom , having a dad , of being pampered and scolded and protected by them ,
There is someone out there who's only dream is to be able to stand , walk , run ,
There is someone out there dreaming of a cemented roof,
There is someone out there dreaming to be able to live a little longer , just a little longer .

These things , little things , being able to see or walk or have food to eat , water to quench thirst , we just take them for granted . It's no big deal . We don't even pay attention to these things . But to someone out there it means everything . EVERYTHING .

Why are we always full of complaints , full of regrets ?

Life is unfair . Life is a bitch . Life also is a great teacher .

So why can't we be happy for all that we have . Embrace the left overs .Be thankful for the breath you just took . Be happy that you are living , with pain , problems , tragedy and what not , but hey ! you are still living , still breathing . Because right now , just as you read this , someone took his last breath , felt his last heartbeat , thought his last thought , dreamt his last dream . So be happy and  thankful , because you are living a life that is worth a thousand dreams !

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Sundays with Daddy - 2

It was just another Sunday , me and my dad took our cycles , hogged idlis at our favorite breakfast stop and then we were heading back to our place . Racing . And my dad , still thinking that loosing against him would make me all sad and tear-ish (like it used to when I was 6) was letting me win , so I overtook him (as usual)  I mean  who doesn't like winning ? even if it's a stupid cycle race !

And then I turned around, to give my dad the na-na-na-poo-poo sign , and he wasn't there ! HE FREAKING WASN'T THERE !! I was scared ,  I din't know what to do ... Yeaah I was like born and brought up in this town but my mom never let me go to the neighboring shops without what she calls "adult supervision" , let alone some place that's a few kilometers away . I started panicking , it was pretty early so all I could find around me were a bunch of labor workers who were eyeing me from top to bottom , and I was , well just going straight , avoiding all the attention I was being showered with , and right when I was about to throw my cycle in a corner and start crying like a abla naari , I spot a pole . Thanks to my brother who once mentioned about this pole being pretty close to my place , I figured my way home !

And there he was , my dad , all smiles waiting for me . But I was very furious and angry and well , mad at him for leaving me alone in the middle of no where , knowing that I did not carry my phone or money or a brain mapped route to my house. So I asked him why he just disappeared like that , and this is what he said - "I just wanted to teach you that , in times of need , when you desperately want some help or support, all your gonna have is YOU !" and that's soo trueee !

Soo be your own strength , be your own best friend , be your own hero , cause in the end all you are ever gonna have is YOU !


Friday, 22 March 2013

Life Goes On - Those Moments

Sometimes I have these moments ,
Moments of restlessness , moments of regret , 
moments of "How could I do this ? " ,
And in these moments , a fast forwarded recording of all the things i did wrong , flash before my eyes ,
All the times I let people down or broke their trust ,
times I lied or backbit-ed ,
Times when due to these stupid , immature deeds , i lost them , FOREVER .

And then I have this feeling of helplessness ,
the heartburn , wanting to set things right ,
but in life there are no second chances ,
I try to bargain with my conscience , bargain with my heart,but in vain ,
leading to compressing and shoving these moments in some corner of my brain .

What has happened is done , the harm has occurred , mistakes made 

but now as i start with a clean slate , in a new place , breathing a new life ,
all I can do is not be the person i was 5 years back ,
all I can do is embrace what is left , welcome what's on the way ,
I could not set things right, but now all I can do is make sure that this one time I do things right .

The heartburn is still there , that corner of my brain is often touched ,
and I just have to live with it , try to move on ,
cause as we know in the end, life goes on ... 



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